Posts Tagged With: humor

New Year’s Resolutions

Some words of wisdom on the ‘I’m going to start exercising’ New Year’s Resolutions:

Walking can add minutes to your life..
This enables you at 85 years old to spend
an additional 5 months in a nursing home
at $7000 per month.

My grandpa started walking
five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he’s 97 years old and we
don’t know where the hell he is.

I like long walks,
especially when they are taken
by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking
is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning,
before my brain figures out what I’m doing.

I joined a health club last year …
spent about 400 bucks.
Haven’t lost a pound.
Apparently you have to go there.

Every time I hear the dirty word ‘exercise’,
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

I do have flabby thighs,
but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day
is so when you die, they’ll say,
….’Well, she looks good doesn’t she.’

If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
start with a small country.

I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years,……
….. just getting over the hill.

We all get heavier as we get older,
because there’s a lot more information in our heads.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

…. and

Every time I start thinking too much about how I look,
I just find a Happy Hour, and by the time I leave,
I look just fine.

Happy New Year! :)

Categories: Burning Blog | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Favorite ‘Foto’ Friday – 9/4/09

This gives ‘Labor Day’ an entirely different meeting.

My mother – circa 1956.  Hanging laundry out to dry (Dad was still in the navy and wore a lot of white). 

The expression on her face says it all.  I think I’ll go hug my washer AND dryer.

Happy Labor Day weekend y’all!  :)

Categories: Burning Blog | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Advice from a Farmer

An Old Farmer’s Advice:

* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight, and bull-strong.
* Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.
* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
* Words that soak into your ears are whispered…not yelled.
* Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight.
* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
* It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.
* You cannot unsay a cruel word.
* Every path has a few puddles.
* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
* The best sermons are lived, not preached.
* Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen, anyway.
* Don’t judge folks by their relatives.
* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.
* Don’t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t botherin’ you none.
* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.
* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
* The biggest troublemaker you’ll ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’.’
* Always drink upstream from the herd.
* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
* Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.
* If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.
* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.

:)

Categories: Burning Blog | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Blog at WordPress.com. The Adventure Journal Theme.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.