Scene: Yesterday. Hot summer afternoon. Me, sitting inside the house. Blinds closed. Ceiling fan on. Air conditioning running. I have a big glass of iced tea in my hand, and cold rag on my forehead. And, I’m still sweating. Like a Kentucky Derby race horse. Husband enters the room oblivious to how hot I am.
Tim: So. When do you want to take a vacation?
Tim: Come on. Be serious. I have 3 weeks and 2 days to take and we need to take some time off soon or I’ll go crazy. (Notice the WE and the I in that sentence. He means him.)
Me: (clearly annoyed) Well Dude! I only have 5 days of vacation per year and I don’t want to be hot during my vacation because that would not be fun at all. Nor do I enjoy bugs.
Pause.10 minutes goes by. He believes enough time has elapsed to approach me again. Perhaps he thinks I might have had a mini stroke from the heat and have no recall of said conversation.
Tim: Kay (his sister) called and wanted to know if we wanted to go on the river trip next month.
Me: Wait. Back-up. Is this conversation about a ‘vacation’ or is this conversation about ‘a trip to the White River with your family’ (again)?
Me: Again. I am NOT using any of MY vacation days to do something that only YOU want to do. I do not fish. I do not want to be trapped in a cabin in remote nowhere with nothing to do while you fish.
Tim: Then how are we going to take a vacation together?
Me: I guess we won’t because I’m going somewhere I do not have to fish, cook, clean, do laundry or anything that resembles my everyday life. Because, if it does involve any of those things, it does not qualify as a vacation. Which, by the way, I haven’t had a real one since January of 2003 (skiing in Colorado vacation. Where I still had to cook and do laundry. But it was worth it. Because it was cold and I was skiing and it was F-U-N. Fun!). I need something new, fun, and relaxing to do, which qualifies as a vacation.
Tim: So. You’re saying you don’t want to go to the river?
Me: (removing cold cloth from my head and firmly setting my tea on the table so I could stare him in the eyes.) I’m saying I don’t want to go to the river for every stinking weekend, every vacation and holiday (which we’ve done for the past 5 years). I’m done. And, (said in jest and sarcastically) this is why I’m picking up a passport application at the post office today. In this heat, Canada is sounding really good right about now.
Tim: I bet there’s some great fishing in Canada.
Me: (Staring at him with mouth slack-jawed and eye bulging.) I’m sooooooo about to go Clint Eastwood on you.
Y’all have a great weekend. 😉