A vacation is suppose to be fun…right?

Scene: Yesterday. Hot summer afternoon. Me, sitting inside the house. Blinds closed. Ceiling fan on. Air conditioning running. I have a big glass of iced tea in my hand, and cold rag on my forehead. And, I’m still sweating. Like a Kentucky Derby race horse. Husband enters the room oblivious to how hot I am.

Tim:   So. When do you want to take a vacation?

Me: January!

Tim: Come on. Be serious. I have 3 weeks and 2 days to take and we need to take some time off soon or I’ll go crazy. (Notice the WE and the I in that sentence. He means him.)

Me: (clearly annoyed) Well Dude! I only have 5 days of vacation per year and I don’t want to be hot during my vacation because that would not be fun at all.  Nor do I enjoy bugs.

Pause.10 minutes goes by. He believes enough time has elapsed to approach me again.  Perhaps he thinks I might have had a mini stroke from the heat and have no recall of said conversation.

Tim: Kay (his sister) called and wanted to know if we wanted to go on the river trip next month.

Me: Wait. Back-up. Is this conversation about a ‘vacation’ or is this conversation about ‘a trip to the White River with your family’ (again)?

Tim: Both.

Me: Again. I am NOT using any of MY vacation days to do something that only YOU want to do. I do not fish. I do not want to be trapped in a cabin in remote nowhere with nothing to do while you fish.

Tim: Then how are we going to take a vacation together?

Me: I guess we won’t because I’m going somewhere I do not have to fish, cook, clean, do laundry or anything that resembles my everyday life. Because, if it does involve any of those things, it does not qualify as a vacation. Which, by the way, I haven’t had a real one since January of 2003 (skiing in Colorado vacation. Where I still had to cook and do laundry. But it was worth it. Because it was cold and I was skiing and it was F-U-N. Fun!). I need something new, fun, and relaxing to do, which qualifies as a vacation.

Tim: So. You’re saying you don’t want to go to the river?

Me:  (removing cold cloth from my head and firmly setting my tea on the table so I could stare him in the eyes.)  I’m saying I don’t want to go to the river for every stinking weekend, every vacation and holiday (which we’ve done for the past 5 years). I’m done. And, (said in jest and sarcastically) this is why I’m picking up a passport application at the post office today. In this heat, Canada is sounding really good right about now.

Tim: I bet there’s some great fishing in Canada.

Me: (Staring at him with mouth slack-jawed and eye bulging.)   I’m sooooooo about to go Clint Eastwood on you.

Y’all have a great weekend. 😉


9 Comments Add yours

  1. Lisa says:

    Oh man!! You need to come up here!! We have only hit 70 degrees one time this month! Of course it has rained a lot, but very cool temps, especially at night. No humidity and not many bugs either. You only get 5 vacation days a year? That’s not enough. 😦

  2. Jessica says:

    My husband’s name is Tim, too. Funny. Anyhow…fortunately both and and I prefer COLDER climates and we hate summers here (Georgia). It is miserably humid…hate it.

  3. HA HA this sounds JUST like a conversation I would have with my husband! This was great.

  4. I’ll send my husband on over, and they can go together. Now that would be a vacation.

  5. Neena says:

    Your husband was brave (or crazy) to come back in the room!!! Interesting how “we” and “I” often get thrown around in sentences that “we” don’t want to be involved in. I don’t do hot either. We have gotten some of the AR weather this week In St. Joseph with storms, high humidity and temps in the 90’s. I think I brought it back from Bloomer last week when I was visiting Terry. We thought of you when we went to eat in Paris at The Grapvevine. We always go there to eat. Stay cool over the weekend. Get some Sonic ice (tee-hee) and pour something divine over it.

  6. Jan says:

    Wait, I think you don’t need a passport to go from the U.S. to Canada, but you do need one to come back home. So technically, you could go there and then plead ignorance and extend your vacation for several weeks while you waited for a passport.

  7. JulieJack says:

    You don’t need a passport to come to my house!!! It is only in the 70’s with ZERO humidity….and Northern CA is even cooler! I won’t make you cook or clean….we could leave the boys with Rusty and see the sights….

  8. Kath says:

    A vacation should be fun for BOTH of you!!!

    Our “vacation” this year is going to a three day family reunion. (Beats hanging out in a hayfield I guess!lol) We will be in your area and I am NOT looking forward to the stifling heat like the last time we were there. 😦 I really really want cooler weather for ya!!

  9. Donna in VA says:

    Too funny! That sounds straight up like it came out of a sitcom’s script on TV. . . facial expressions and everything.
    I hear that it’s going to be 100 degrees in Arkansas today with a heat index well into the triple digits. Do your best to stay cool.

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