Sandy: I want you to kill every gophers on the golf course!
Carl Spackler: Correct me if I’m wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers, they’re gonna lock me up and throw away the key…
Sandy: Not golfers, you great fool! Gophers! The *little* *brown*, *furry* *rodents* -!
Carl Spackler: We can do that; we don’t even have to have a reason. All right, let’s do the same thing, but with gophers -!
I need Carl Spackler to come and blow up the gophers in my back yard. No seriously! I have mound tracks all through my flower beds and in the grass. I dream about them churning up my grass, kill the roots, eating my plants from below. And somebody tell me what the heck my dogs are doing all day while the gophers are digging away! Oh, yeah, right………………………napping.
(Why do I hear Kenny Logins singing in my head? “I’m alright”……………)