New Members

Things are crazy at work and I’ll post a recipe soon. I just wanted to share a quick joke a friend sent me this morning. Enjoy!

A young couple joined a new church and the pastor told them, ‘We require all new member couples to abstain from sex for one whole month.’

The couple agreed, but after two weeks returned to see the pastor. The wife was crying and the husband was obviously depressed. ‘You are back so soon, is there a problem?’ inquired the pastor. ‘We did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month,’ the young man replied sadly. ‘The first week we managed to abstain through sheer willpower. The second week was terrible and as we began the third week we were powerless.’ The pastor asked what happened. The young man replied, ‘My wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and I had my way with her right then and there. It was lustful, loud, and passionate. It lasted over an hour and when we were done we were both drenched in sweat.’

The pastor lowered his head and said sternly, ‘You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church.’

‘We understand,’ said the young man, hanging his head, ‘we’re not welcome at Home Depot either..’

Recipe: Shrimp Fettuccine

Boys and Girls of all ages! Do you need a delicious, scrumptious meal? A meal that tastes ‘out-of-this-world’ good and guaranteed to put the yum-yum face on everyone at the table? This is your go-to meal. Creamy, buttery, shrimpy (is that a word – and does anyone really care?). Whip up a batch of Shrimp Fettuccine and get ready to knock their socks off.

SHRIMP FETTUCCINE

3 sticks butter or margarine
3 medium onions, chopped
3 to 4 ribs celery, chopped
2 large bell peppers, chopped
¼ cup flour
¼ cup fresh parsley
3 crushed garlic cloves
3 to 4 lbs. peeled shrimp (or crawfish tails) cut up
1 pint half and half
1 pint whole milk
1 lb. Velveeta jalapeno (Mexican) cheese cut into pieces
Salt, black pepper and red pepper to taste
1 ½ lbs. fettuccine, broken
Parmesan cheese

Sauté onions, celery, and bell peppers in butter until clear and mushy. Add the flour, stirring well and often, cooking at least 30 minutes.

Add parsley, garlic and shrimp or crawfish tails, cooking at least another 30 minutes. Add half and half, Velveeta and seasonings, stirring well until cheese has melted. Cover and cook over low heat (simmer) at least 30 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Cook fettuccine, adding a little oil to salted water, according to package directions. Drain well and place in a large pot. Using a slotted spoon ladle shrimp and vegetable mixture over fettuccine. Add enough sauce until mixture is well balanced.

Pour into two buttered casserole dishes. Add more sauce after ingredients settle. Sprinkle generously with Parmesan cheese. Bake uncovered at 350 degrees until hot and bubbly (30 minutes or longer).

Serves 18 to 20

Recipe: Cowboy Cookies

Ever wonder what to do with that left-over box of bran flake cereal? Well – here ya go!  Make some Cowboy Cookies. 

Cowboy Cookies

2 ¼ cups shortening
2 cups sugar
2 ½ cups brown sugar
5 eggs
2 tsp. vanilla extract
¾ cup chunky peanut butter
4 ½ cups flour
2 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. salt
3 cups rolled oats
2 ½ cups bran flakes
2 cups chocolate chips
1 cup chopped pecans

 Cream together shortening, sugar and brown sugar.  Add the eggs, vanilla and peanut better, mixing well.  Sift together the flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt; gradually add to the creamed mixture and mix well.  Add oats, bran flakes, chocolate chips and nuts.  Mix well.  Drop by 1/8 cupful onto a greased cookie sheet.  Bake at 325 degrees for 11-12 minutes.

Y’all Enjoy! 

PS:  the broken collar bone patient is in better spirits this morning.  Crankiness is a 4 on a scale of 1 to 10.